Typical Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony

Ok, i've just found this on youtube (hooray for youtube!), and this has all the classic reasons why we chose the photorgrapher we did, why we have asked guests not to turn on their flash on the day when they take photos, and of course, it gives my avid readers more information on dressing for the tea ceremony.

This video shows a wider range of outfits worn by guests for the tea ceremony - some more casual, some dressed slightly smarter. I guess this might make it more confusing for guests but ... it is quite difficult to pin down an exact dress code in a country/culture that doesn't take this sort of thing seriously. I am sure those who have viewed my brother's wedding video would have realised, and been surprised at, how casually dressed some people can be when turning up for wedding dinner parties. What can I say...cultural difference???

As for the photographer in the video. What kind of photographer constantly steps in front of the videographer every three seconds to take pictures of the bride and groom serving tea. At this rate, i think they can do a flip card and just drop the videographer (it would create the same effect). And, the flash lights! I hope this helps explain our position on 'no flash photography on the day please'. The constant flashes that gets captured on the video really spoils it we think, as it is very distracting, and besides, I rather not like to be constantly aware that I am being captured on film (or a digital card in this day and age). Haha, I am very shy!

UK Wedding Party T-Shirts

Just received a picture from David's parents a few days ago of two very stylishly dressed individuals. On the left is Christopher Smith, David's baby brother, donning a white fruits of the loom polo tee. On the right is Carol, David's mom, also wearing the same polo t-shirt. The only difference is the embroidery it has.




The men's version has a blue merlion, whilst the women's have a pink orchid. On the circumference, it says 'David and Elena's Wedding Party. 070707. Carol's even has 'Groom's mother' embroidered on it! I've not got one for my mom, maybe I should. I'll need to check if they are still taking orders. Any other takers?

Dressing for the Day

Another day closer to the wedding, another task (plus a few more) out of the way.


David got measured up for his suit yesterday. He's gone for a left of medium grey suit, to match a white with pinky stripes shirt. Very nice. We'll know what it looks like on the 18th of May. Hopefully, it all goes well, and we can start hunting for a matching tie.



He's also got a pair of khaki trousers made. He's been looking for one for work so it's convenient that we've decided that his morning outfit would be a pair of khaki/beige trousers and a white shirt, which he can wear to work in the future. More recycling.

This brings us to the topic of today's post - Dressing for the Day.

We've highlighted in a previous post that the morning/afternoon tea ceremony is a casual affair, despite its emphasis on traditional practices, so no one need to worry about what to wear. As we've planned for a peranakan themed event, I'll be in the cultural dress - a kebaya, which we were in Melaka last weekend to get made. Some of my friends, who are adopting the role of my 'sisters' (the equivalent of 'bridesmaid'), my mom, grandmother, and some aunts, will also be in kebayas to add colour and atmosphere to the day. This is starting to sound like a fancy dress party but it is not, and guests shouldn't have to worry about not having a kebaya to wear. In fact, it is probably more symbolic if other outfits closer to the person's own cultural background is worn instead as it makes for a East meets West story and cultural melting pot - as it is, David's not going to be in a traditional peranakan outfit for men but in a white shirt and khaki trousers (I think if he could come in one of those plantation hats and a gin tonic in his hand, he would). Hmm, which reminds me, we need to ask Alvin and Jason if they can come up with clothes of those colours!

So, the million-dollar question that we've been asked to answer today is: what should guests wear for the tea ceremony?

Well, anything really. The previous post on tea ceremony showed a lot of men in shirts and ties, but we think that might be a little too formal and hot for an afternoon party. Honestly, for men short sleeved/polo shirts and lightweight trousers or bermudas are probably going to be more comfortable and; for women, your typical summer dresses are probably going to give you more comfort than you realise. There's really no hard and fast rule; at the end of the day, it's all about having fun, drinking (tea), and eating.

*See Eadwine's (a local photogapher's) blog for some great pictures he took of a wedding which also had a peranakan theme. The bride's in a very pretty lilac and blue kebaya. I think that gives an idea of what the day might look like. I'll hunt around for more pictures or videos on afternoon tea ceremonies to give an idea of what one usually wears to such an event.

The Art of Serving Tea

This video gives an introduction to the concept of the tea ceremony in a Chinese wedding.

The tea ceremony is a significant event in a typical Chinese wedding. It provides both an opportunity for the bride and groom to show respect for their elders, as well as means of introducing the new bride/groom to the respective family.

Traditionally, the bride will serve tea in the morning to her parents before the groom and guests arrive to thank her parents for bringing her up. After the groom picks the bride up, they will proceed to his place for the tea ceremony. When this is completed, they will return to the bride's family to serve tea to her elders. Thankfully, we're cutting this travelling in-between places out due to the absence of a 'groom's place', so it will all be taking place at my parent's house. Yay!

The order of serving tea is also marked by strict conventions:

1. Woman to be on the left side and the man on the right (so that the bride would be in front of the father-in-law)
2. The people being served tea will be seated in chairs.
3. Traditionally, the bride and groom will kneel whilst serving tea (but that's usually reserved for the oldest members of the family these days).
4. The first persons to be served tea will be the groom's parents, followed by his paternal grandparents, then his maternal grandparents.
5. Subsequent persons to be servd tea will be the oldest uncles and aunties, followed by older siblings.

In return to serving tea to the elders, the bride and groom will receive lucky red envelopes ("lai see", which means "lucky") filled with money or jewellery. This is, again, to wish the newlyweds luck in their marriage. In some cases, relatives who are served tea would take this opportunity to give a more generous red envelope and not give another one at the wedding dinner. This is a matter of preference rather than a strict rule. The bride's jewellery from the relatives were also a sign of how fortunate she is, so more gold = luckier bride.

The tea serving ceremony is usually assisted by a woman who is regarded as lucky (i.e, have had a very good marriage and has many children - know of anyone?). Her role is to pour the tea out for the bride and groom to serve to the elders and introduce the elders so that they know the formal title to address them (e.g. first uncle, first aunt). The tea served is usually boiled with lotus seeds and two red dates because "lotus"（莲， lián） and 'year" （年, nián） "seed" （子， zǐ） and "child" （子， zǐ）, and "date" （枣， zǎo） and "early" （早， zǎo）are homophones (i.e. have the same sound but different meanings in Chinese) and it was believed that putting these items in the tea would help the newlyweds produce children early in their marriage and every year, which would ensure that the parents would have many grandchildren. Hmm...

Something Blue

After 'hours' (all 30 seconds) of deliberation, David decided that he will help me select the embroidery for the kebaya but will not see me in it when we go for the fitting and pick it up. It is all part of his 'not seeing me in my wedding dress before the wedding day' superstition. So, here he is, waiting in the shop as opposed to outside.


We went to my mom and grandmother's favourite kebaya shop. They've had a few kebayas made there; my sister in-law, Peipei, made her wedding kebaya there; and the kebaya i wore to her and my brother's wedding was also made there. Yes, yes, Alice (the lady boss) does do a good job.

There were a lot of flora embroidery, which I had wanted before stepping into the shop, but we both fell in love with something more eye-catching. Aha! No pictures! I'm keeping it as a surprise element but it is very wedding-like, in the peranakan sense (and probably most cultures too) as the bride has to look outstanding. We also chose a bright colour, away from my preference for darker colours. Traditionally, the bride had to wear red or pink; darker colours were reserved for older women and black and white were for mourning - although this taboo for white has changed over the years as people became less conservative. I've always wanted a white kebaya for my wedding since before I ever met David, but over the weeks have changed my mind as I'm already having a white gown.

This is the colour of the kebaya we've both decided on. Ok, not quite blue...probably more turqoise or sky blue but either way I am sure it is part of the blue family and this is going to pass off as my 'something blue'.

*Waiting for Peipei to get measured up*
Peipei decided to have Alice tailor a sleeveless batik top to go with jeans for the tea ceremony. I think she's gone with this because it is something she is more likely to wear again in the near future. Great idea. No point spending money on something you can only wear once!

Blog Updates

I've just updated the links on the blog (see right) and added a list of places our overseas guests can visit whilst they are in Singapore. Most are links to various countries' official tourism board's sites, which gives a comprehensive list of things to do; some are places that we like and recommend (see also David's blog for a list of places to visit in Singapore). For information on travelling out of Singapore to these neighbouring countries, look under the heading Singapore Accomodation and Travelling Beyond. If guests have any other questions about their trip here, please please please feel free to drop us an email or leave a note in the comments section.

In the meantime, we've got less than 3 months to go. Things left to do include, but not limited to:

1. Get David's suit made.
2. Get Elena's kebaya for the Afternoon Tea Ceremony, which we're off to Melaka to do this Saturday. Yay.
3. Sort flowers and corsages/buttonieres.
4. Write and send out local guests' invitations.
5. Find out if Alvin and Jason has beige/khaki trousers and white shirts for the day event.
6. Get David's morning outfit sorted, and buy matching shoes.
7. Decide on 'Thank You' cards.
8. Decide on songs for the wedding.
9. Write 'Thank You' speech. Aren't y'all glad we've not asked anyone to do a best man speech/father of the groom speech?
10. Oh, yes. Write vows?

The list goes on...now did we say we were keeping it simple?

David's Shoes

One pair down, and another to go.

David has to get a pair of brown shoes to go with his khaki/beige trousers for the day events as well. It has taken us months to find him this pair, I hope it won't take too long to find suitable brown shoes. I guess he could always wear what he already has but we're not sure if they'll match his outfit - which he also has not decided on! Time's running out, tick tock tick tock.

This black pair is from Pedro, - the only decent men's shoe shop in Singapore. Ok, you can get Clarks and Loake but they're a little too bulky for David's liking, and most other men's shoes in Singapore are much like these brands or have sell shoes with really thick rubber soles which David thinks keeps the men here ready for a massive chemical spillage. So, bottom line is, if overseas guests (men) would like to buy formal shoes here, think again. But the great singapore sale will be on (25th May -22 July), and if you're after funky trainers (Chris, Chris, and Andrew), I am sure you'll find something cool.

Bling Bling

I've got bling.






This is a little outdated but we went out shopping two weekends ago and found this for the wedding - a swarovski crystal necklace that we both liked. It is a one-off, handmade, design by a local designer. I think they tell us that to justify the pricetag. Ok, the swarovski crytals probably cost quite a fair bit too, and was definately more stylish and affordable than the Swarovski branded jewellery. Personally, I am still hesitant about wearing such bling jewellery, again I think it might be too eye-catching, so I am still considering a simpler option. Hear David go "Hmmmm...". We'll just have to see what happens when I try it on with the gown at the next fitting.

The good thing that came out of this purchase was the free crystal earrings that the sales lady threw in. Oh, and David got a 6% rebate as well because we bought it at CK Tangs and used his Visa card. Hurray for consumer promotions!

Raffles Cupcakes

We met up with the F&B manager today to try out the Raffles cupcakes and discuss the details of the day.


The cupcakes are very pretty, very wedding like, but came as a bit of a surprise because they were completely not what we expected - we'd sent pictures of what we were after before. They made three different flavours for us, sponge with strawberry jam (like Jammie Dodgers), chocolate, and pandan (screwpine leaves, local flavour). It was a little dry, and the marzipan a little sweet. So, that's going into the feedback and hopefully they might be able to do something. More fingers crossing.


We've also got flowers, soup, room layout, and music pretty much sorted, and asked about having a trial run of the whole walking down the aisle thing but he seems to think that it is strange. Huh? Shouldn't we time it somewhat? Now I feel silly. Was it really an odd request? He seems to think that things will fall in place as long as we get a good MC for the day. MC? eh? That sounds too formal for us. Well, that's something we got to work out for the day. Guess we have to first decide on the 'march in' song. Can't I just be beamed in, Scottie?

Notice of Marriage

It's done!
It's official!
It's only taken us three attempts (stupid Mac's not working very well with the wi-fi at home) and about 45mins, but we've filed our intention to get married!

So, as long as our JP, our witnesses (our respective fathers), and both of us turn up on the day, it'll be Mr & Mrs Smith come July 7th! Wey-hey!